Poochies in the Night
by Uncle Charlie
Summary: Bob the Minions walks into a bar and meets Xander Harris. Written for the 2018 Intoabar challenge.


Bob clutched his teddy bear close to his chest and tried to be brave. This was not a part of town he ventured into on a regular basis. The people who inhabited this place were different from regular folks. They were dangerous. They were arrogant. They were college students.

Bob looked back down at his drawing of his beloved Poochie and called to him again. Nothing. Poochie had been missing for a week and Bob was beside himself. It got so bad that Gru had organized the minions and they were scouring the city for the rat. Even the girls helped, handcrafting each sign. Bob was appreciative of their hard work and how sweet they made Poochie look.

Bob brushed away a tear, looked both ways before crossing the road and headed for the closest structure. Maybe they would let him put his lost poster up.

Xander Harris wiped down the bar and tossed the soiled cloth towards the overflowing tower of similar towels. He was the only person in the bar. He hated final weeks at the college. Instead of being here, they were at the library or in their dorm rooms, studying. Even Buffy was struggling, doing her best not to get expelled in her first semester. Sure, in a couple more days, they would be packed and the tips would be flowing, but not tonight. Nothing was happening tonight…

"Guess those need to cleaned, Mr. Harris," he told himself.

"I can do it, if you'd like," he answered, trying to sound both eager and accommodating.

"Nobody does it better." Xander sighed. It had seemed like a good way to get close to Willow and Buffy now that they were college girls. He missed their close knit high school group.

"Face it, Zander, my boy, those were your glory days. Those carefree…" He trailed off as a small teddy bear. "Well, hello there, little guy."

"Bello!"

For a minute he thought the bear had spoken, then he leaned over the bar and looked down the small yellow figure. As Buffy's sidekick, he'd seen many things, but nothing this… yellow.

"What can I get you?" Xander fell back on his bar prattle.

"Poochie!" The yellow thing struggled to get up on a bar stool.

"Um, domestic or imported?"

"Hep? Ka kaylay gum Poochie."

"Okay, I've got no idea what you are talking about."

It held out a wrinkled piece of paper and Xander took it. On it was a crudely drawn rat with a large toothy grin sitting on a pile of bananas. Beneath it was written in crayon, Lost! Poochie. Reward if found alive. See Bob the minion.

"Bob?" Xander looked at the yellow creature. "You're a minion?"

"Si."

"Oh, you're Bob and you lost your pet rat."

"Si, si! Poochie!" Bob looked at the drawing and tears trickled from the large brown eyes down his cheeks. He hugged it and sighed. "Okay… poopaye!" He started to climb down and Xander caught his arm.

"How about something for the road?"

"Gelato?" Bob suggested hopefully.

Xander made a great show of looking before shaking his head. "None of that, sorry."

"Manana?"

"Ma... you mean, banana?

"Si, si!" Bob nodded enthusiastically.

"I can make you a banana daiquiri."

"Bank yu!" For the moment, despairing thoughts of Poochie were set aside and Bob focused upon Xander's movements. Before the drink got to him, he was glassy eyed and in a near zombie state. Xander squirted a towering mass of whipped cream on the top and added not one, but two cherries and an umbrella to it.

"Here you go, Bob." He angled the straw down so that Bob could reach it.

"Kampai!" He took a small sip, then a large one.

"You like?"

"Terima kasih," Bob managed between sips. Then he stopped. "Oh!" He patted his pockets and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. "Para tu!"

"Let me get you your change." Xander reached for the bill and Bob shook his head.

"Para tu." He nodded.

"Thanks, Bob." Xander smiled at him. "So, you lost your pet… rat, huh?"

"Si, Poochie." Tears rolled down Bob's cheeks and Xander handed his a bar napkin.

"You know, if Poochie really loves you, he'll come home. Heck, I bet he's already there, waiting for you."

"Verdad?"

"Verdad!" Xander reached for a banana. "Would you like another one on the house?"

Xander carried the yellow minion in his arms. Another daiquiri and Bob had fallen asleep on the bar. Xander looked at the address on the 'Lost' poster and decided that it was only right to take him home.

He wandered down the street, amazed that he'd never been in this part of Sunnydale before. He checked the house number and looked across the street at a tall, black, and foreboding structure. It seemed to loom over the street and yet the front yard was cluttered with toys.

Checking the traffic of which there was none, Xander carried Bob to the front door and hesitantly knocked. The door opened and there was no one there, then he looked down.

There was another yellow fellow there. "Si?"

"Um, I brought Bob home."

"Bob? Esta bien?"

Bob giggled and hiccupped as Xander put him down. "Kampai!"

"Bob!" A young girl of about 13 ran to the door and stopped, surprised by Xander. "Oh, hello."

"Uh, hi. Bob walked into my bar and had one too many banana daiquiri—"

The small minion came alive. "Manana?"

"I think you've had enough buddy."

"Bob, look who came home!" The girl opened the door wide and there was a rat, surrounded by several smaller rats.

"Poochie!" Bob was instantly sober and ran to his beloved pet. Xander had to admit that the rat seemed pretty happy to see him, too. "Poopies?"

"Yup, Poochie had poopies." The girl turned back to Xander, suddenly shy. "I'm Margo by the way."

"I'm Xander."

Bob ran up to him, carrying one of the baby rats. "Poopies!"

"See? I told you that Poochie loved you."

"Terima Kasih! Para tu!" He held out the rat to Xander, who took a step back.

"I think he's too young to leave his mommy just yet, Bob." Margo saved the day, nodding slowly. "Maybe Xander could come back when he's a bit older."

"Oh, okay!" Bob ran back to the rat, carrying its baby.

Quietly, Margo murmured, "I'll make sure they all go to good homes before you come back."

"Thanks!"

"Don't mention it, especially to Bob." Margo's smile started to fade at another voice.

"Who is at the door, Margo?"

"It's my dad. He thinks I'm boy bait." She sighed dramatically.

"I was just leaving." Xander knew the sound of an overly-protective father and retreated a step He nearly fell over as Bob rushed back to him and hugged his legs.

"Gracias, gracias!"

"You are very welcome, Bob. You and Poochie have a good life." Bob let go of Xander's legs and ran back into the house, suddenly surrounded by a hundred of the yellow minion beings. Bob waved and disappeared from view.

Xander looked down at the poster in his hand and started to toss it. Then he thought better of it and carefully folded it. Quietly humming _The Banana Boat Song_ , Xander disappeared into the night, content in the fact that there was nothing better than a Bob and his rat.


End file.
